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Johnny God-Dammit
Johnny Godamowitz, better known by his ring name Johnny God-Dammit, is a wrestler and member of Enhanced currently "competing" in the Professional Grappling Association. He is best known for having his ribs broken by Pierre Kirby, as well as for his salty language and high blood pressure. Early Life Godamowitz was born in the lower middle-class town of Huckleberry, Indiana, where he made the local papers by attempting to punch the obstetrician who delivered him shortly after his birth. Financial times were tough and tensions high in the Godamowitz household, as his parents' entrepreneurial idea for a premium line of novelty false nipples faltered. He soon learned a bevy of curse words as a young child, and the repetition of those words, combined with his blood pressure and explosive temper, earned him a reputation as a troublemaker and frequent yet ineffectual schoolyard bully throughout his adolescence. Before dropping out of high school with a month to go in his senior year, Johnny was voted "Most Likely to Beat Mr. Kemp with a Cudgel, Steal His Wallet, Then Take a Dump on the Hood of His Car". Incidentally, that category was voted "Most Oddly Specific and Obscure Category Among the Senior Class Superlatives" by the senior class itself.[citation needed] Wrestling Career His cursing skills fully developed, Godamowitz left home to train with Chad Vanderquack at the POWER Pro Wrestling Disassembly Line. While impressed with the fact that Johnny had driven all the way from southern Indiana to Pennsylvania on his own, Vanderquack reportedly had serious doubts about Godamowitz's talent, drive, stamina, and ability to refrain from cursing in anger or just in general. Nonetheless, Johnny had driven quite a ways in his 1996 turquoise Tercel, so Vanderquack opted to give Godamowitz a try-out match at POWER Pro's tri-annual "Kids Get a Free Popcorn with a Good Report Card" event. Despite Johnny's increasingly vulgar suggestions for a ring name, due to POWER Pro's family-friendly environment, Vanderquack dubbed him "Johnny Ohgoshwow"; unfortunately, only 42 seconds into his debut match with No-Sean Boreno, Johnny launched into a tirade of obscenity so extended and so foul that it allegedly made children cry as far away as Youngstown, Ohio.needed Vanderquack had little choice but to fire Godamowitz on the spot and refund the crowd's money so that, according to his MarkSmart shoot interview, he could "console a whimpering and sobbing Ganymede backstage".[1] Finding himself blackballed from POWER Pro, Godamowitz turned to the deathmatch scene and enrolled in the School of Hard Blows, the training facility for the DWA-MMW (Dumbasses With an Arsenal - Mid-MidWest) federation operating out of Quad Cities, Illinois, the head trainer of which was famed deathmatch veteran/amateur philatelist Massive Intercranial Hemorrhage. During Vanderquack's MarkSmart shoot video, which Hemorrhage commandeered after violently pistol-whipping Vanderquack several times in the side of the head, Hemorrhage declared that Johnny "was one a the best students I ever had. Honestly, that kid would do anything."[1] Godamowitz, now known as "Johnny Fuckitall", managed to draw a small cult following among the eight or so fans that typically attended DWA-MMW shows. Fuckitall's most memorable moment in DWA-MMW came during a triple-threat deathmatch at the fed's "You Thought 9/11 Was Bad?" event when he suffocated Grandma Raper into unconsciousness by stuffing a lit acetylene torch down his throat, just before Fuckitall took a crossbow bolt into his spine between the fourth and fifth vertebrae at the hands of "Something's Seriously Wrong with This Guy" Dick Crimes. Godamowitz would spend eight months recuperating in the Quad Cities Regional Medical Facility. Deciding he'd had enough of the deathmatch scene, Godamowitz caught PGA Commissioner B. Armstrong Ruby on the tail end of a pub crawl and attempted to persuade him to sign Johnny to a PGA contract; Ruby, needing enhancement fodder for post-unionization PGA and having had three too many Harvey Wallbangers, inexplicably signed Godamowitz to a multi-year contract on the spot. Again renamed as "Johnny God-Dammit", Godamowitz's highlights in PGA so far include: getting eliminated by Snake Eyes via hair-mare in the battle royale on PGA's post-USA reboot show, being brutally chucked into a set of lockers as punishment for charging Lester Balaam Jackson, and yelling "GODDAMMIT!" whenever any minor annoyance rears its head. In wrestling *'Nicknames' **"The Saltiest Mouth in the Not-Quite-Mid-South" - DWA-MMW **"That's It, You're Fired, How Did You Even Get In Here" - POWER Pro **"Seriously, I Told You To Get Out, Do Not Go Buy a Ticket, You Are Making Children Cry" - POWER Pro *'Finishing Moves' **God-Dammit Driver (electric chair driver) **"Vulgar Display of Power" (Johnny finds some way to throw his opponent to the outside and stands in the ring to cuss at him, hoping he won't be able to answer the referee's count) *'Signature Moves' **Yelling "GODDAMMIT!" **Cursing a lot in general **Losing his temper at every perceived annoyance and charging blindly at his opponent, often with disastrous results *'Entrance Themes' **Nattefrost - Sin Goddammit Championships and Accomplishments *'Professional Grappling Association' **Named "Upcomer Most Likley sic to Succeed in 2010" by http://www.geocities.com/Pipeline/5507/goddammit.html